I Can't Even Think Straight
by Dean Atta
In this emotional novel in verse by the Stonewall Award–winning author of The Black Flamingo, a queer biracial teen confronts issues of race, privilege, class, and sexuality on his journey to falling in love.
Kai knows who he is to others: The good grandson, the reliable best friend, the romantic backup. But he doesn’t quite know who he is to himself.
Kai wants to come out at school, but his best friend there, Matt, stays closeted for fear of getting kicked out by his conservative parents—and wants Kai to do the same. Kai unhappily agrees, but when a rumor goes around that Kai and Matt are dating, Matt starts acting differently anyway.
Kai’s other best friend, Vass, is proudly nonbinary and thinks Matt is a negative influence—though maybe that’s just their crush on Kai talking. Kai has always turned to writing to express his emotions, but when his on-page emotions erupt into the real world, he might just be putting the delicate balance of his life at risk.
Told with Dean Atta’s signature lyricism and candor, this deeply feeling story explores the complexities of crushes, navigating identity, and coming out.
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Martial Peak Reviews
Dean Atta's I Can't Even Think Straight is a poignant exploration of identity, love, and self-discovery, delivered through the evocative medium of verse. Known for his Stonewall Award-winning work, The Black Flamingo, Atta once again demonstrates his mastery in capturing the nuanced experiences of queer youth, this time through the lens of a biracial teenager named Kai. The novel is a compelling narrative that delves into the complexities of race, privilege, class, and sexuality, making it a resonant read for anyone navigating the multifaceted journey of adolescence.
At the heart of the story is Kai, a character who is both relatable and deeply introspective. Kai's journey is one of self-discovery, as he grapples with the expectations placed upon him by others and his own desires for authenticity. **Kai knows who he is to others**—the good grandson, the reliable best friend, the romantic backup—but struggles with understanding who he is to himself. This internal conflict is a central theme of the novel, and Atta skillfully uses verse to convey Kai's emotional turmoil and growth.
The novel's structure as a novel in verse is particularly effective in capturing the raw, unfiltered emotions of its protagonist. Atta's **signature lyricism and candor** shine through, allowing readers to feel the intensity of Kai's experiences. The use of verse not only enhances the emotional depth of the story but also mirrors the fragmented and often chaotic nature of Kai's thoughts and feelings. This stylistic choice makes the novel both an intimate and immersive reading experience.
One of the novel's strengths is its exploration of the intersectionality of identity. Kai's experiences as a queer biracial teen are portrayed with sensitivity and authenticity, highlighting the unique challenges he faces in navigating his identity. The novel addresses issues of race and privilege with nuance, offering a thoughtful commentary on how these factors intersect with sexuality and class. Atta does not shy away from depicting the complexities of these intersections, making the novel a powerful exploration of identity in all its forms.
The relationships in the novel are another key element that adds depth to the story. Kai's friendship with Matt, his closeted best friend, is a central focus of the narrative. Matt's fear of coming out due to his conservative parents creates tension in their relationship, as Kai is pressured to remain closeted as well. This dynamic is further complicated by the rumor that Kai and Matt are dating, which causes Matt to act differently. Atta captures the intricacies of this friendship with sensitivity, portraying the struggles and pressures that come with navigating identity in a heteronormative world.
In contrast, Kai's relationship with Vass, his proudly nonbinary best friend, offers a different perspective on identity and acceptance. Vass's confidence in their identity serves as a source of support and inspiration for Kai, even as their crush on him adds another layer of complexity to their friendship. Through these relationships, Atta explores the diverse ways in which individuals navigate their identities and the impact of these journeys on their relationships with others.
Atta's portrayal of Kai's use of writing as a means of self-expression is another noteworthy aspect of the novel. Writing serves as an outlet for Kai's emotions, allowing him to process his thoughts and feelings in a way that is both therapeutic and transformative. However, as Kai's on-page emotions begin to spill over into the real world, he is forced to confront the delicate balance of his life. This exploration of the power of writing and self-expression is a testament to Atta's understanding of the creative process and its role in personal growth.
In comparison to other works in the genre, such as Benjamin Alire Sáenz's Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe or Adam Silvera's They Both Die at the End, I Can't Even Think Straight stands out for its unique use of verse and its focus on the intersectionality of identity. While Sáenz and Silvera also explore themes of identity and love, Atta's novel offers a distinct perspective through its exploration of race, privilege, and class, making it a valuable addition to the canon of queer young adult literature.
Overall, I Can't Even Think Straight is a deeply moving and thought-provoking novel that captures the complexities of identity and the journey to self-acceptance. Dean Atta's **lyrical prose and candid storytelling** create a powerful narrative that resonates with readers of all backgrounds. The novel's exploration of race, privilege, class, and sexuality is both timely and timeless, offering a nuanced portrayal of the challenges and triumphs of adolescence. For anyone seeking a story that is both emotionally resonant and intellectually engaging, I Can't Even Think Straight is a must-read.
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